Saying I’ve lost friends isn’t really the phrase I’m looking for here. I’ve just lost connection with friends in a way. It seems we’ve grown apart. It’s no ones fault. Although I like to bear all of the blame. I’m always going to miss what we all were. It’s so far gone now. I think it has a much bigger impact on me. The cancer in me that hates change is showing me a different side of him. I I think I’m in need of a long, long talk. But “Life” tells me that I shouldn’t need these long talks, that I should just be happy, right? I shouldn’t rely on petty things such as this. In a few years I’ll be looking back as I am now. Only it’ll be much different then. I really don’t like these years of my life. I hear people say that their teenage years were their prime years of suffering, well I feel like I skipped all of that and am experiencing it now. I mean, sure I’ve had it much easier than most. But have I really? I mean in the physical sense, sure. But this psychological and emotional sense that I’m just now starting to get the hang of is a whole other level. I miss when everything was so simple. I really, really hate this life. This feeling. It’s extremely morbid and this desire isn’t good for my health. Maybe I should see a specialist, or something. But what the fuck do they actually know? Is this normal? Am I crazy? These are questions I shouldn’t concern with myself. But with the whole world inside my head now, I feel like I’m about to explode. I have no control over my feelings, I just know how to suppress them. But this emptiness is getting old and holding everything back is getting hard. Letting go would be so much easier if I had people who knew how to listen. Or in some cases wanted to listen. Perfection isn’t always about control, right? Losing myself is so difficult when all of this is about finding myself. It’s one fucking contradiction after another. I can’t take it and the people around me can’t either. Maybe if I wasn’t the only one making all of the effort. These are all just words though, so they don’t even matter. Hell, I could be making all of this up right now and you’d never know the difference. Oh, by the way; Hi, I’m Joseph. Wanna be friends? Didn’t think so.